gone giants girl?
i still love baseball, but is it worth investing this much time and energy these days?
It’s still all over the pages here, but as I fill out new questionnaires and profiles, I’ve noticed that “sports” gets shoved to the end of the paragraph…or not included at all.
I’ve always been known as the biggest San Francisco Giants fan in all my friend groups and social circles. I’m the one that people ask about getting tickets so we all can enjoy a game together.
But I still have yet to purchase my low-tier season ticket membership. If you asked me about the new guys on the team, I wouldn’t be able to give you any names. If you asked me how I think the team will do this year, I’d just say “I hope they have fun.” I have no idea what happened during spring training (to be honest though, I’ve never kept up with it).
Maybe it’s everything I’m going through now. Maybe it’s the other interests I’m developing or rediscovering. Maybe it’s because I lost an entire online community (as I talked about last week in exiting toxic online spaces) and therefore haven’t been as tuned into baseball.
But I just can’t even picture getting on BlueSky to keep up with my Giants news and talk to other fans. I just can’t even picture putting aside three hours of my day almost every day anymore to watch a game.
tbh you might call me a bandwagoner
I went to my first Giants game in 2004 with my student leadership class and all I knew was that I was supposed to hate the Dodgers. At the time, I wasn’t able to tell the difference between a ball or a strike, but I knew I loved the atmosphere of cheers sprinkled with boos in an open air stadium right beside the San Francisco Bay.
I went to many more games over the next several years because my sister was a big fan and wanted someone to come with her. Again, it was mostly just about the vibes, but I was actually starting to like some of our own players. Barry Bonds (who belongs in the Hall of Fame…do not argue with me about this in the comments istg) was chasing home run records. “The Freak” Tim Lincecum was winning hearts. I was taking photos with him and Barry Zito at On-the-Field Photo Days because I knew who they were.
In 2010, the Giants won their first World Series since 1958 and the city was the most alive I’ve seen it since Barack Obama was first elected President of the United States two years earlier. And it was then I really threw myself more into learning all about them, other baseball teams, and the sport in general. I know it was the most opportune time to become a casual to an obsessive, but we all start somewhere, right?
Since then, I watched or followed basically every game and transaction. I didn’t take going to Fanfest for granted each year. I used my second Twitter account (which became my main one) to connect with the players, beat writers, and other fans. Oracle Park (can’t even remember the previous name!) became my happy place, a sanctuary. In 2016 and 2017, I took a second part-time job working in the ballpark’s social media cafe, just so I could go to more games and get a little more behind-the-scenes access (and getting an extra paycheck certainly didn’t hurt!).
Of course, I rejoiced and celebrated with loved ones and the rest of the city when the Giants brought home two more World Series championships in 2012 and 2014…and I cried on the floor of the apartment I shared with my first boyfriend as NLDS Game 4 versus the Cubs completely unraveled at the top of the ninth.
What followed were some pretty dark years, but I still had faith and hope with each pitch, and joy every time I got to visit the ballpark. As we emerged from the COVID-19 pandemic and San Francisco slowly opened back up to people, the Giants won a franchise-record 107 games in the 2021 regular season. Although they got knocked out of the first round of the playoffs by their bitter rivals, that season ignited my love for baseball hotter than ever—and it couldn’t have come at a better time as we were all seeking comfort and normalcy.
And yet again, despite the divisive fan discourse regarding management and ownership and overall mediocre seasons that followed, I still had faith and hope in my team. I had friends to talk about them online. I had friends, family, and now ex-boyfriends to go to games with in real life. I probably went to the most Giants games I ever had in one season in 2024, and dedicated an Instagram post each month just for my Oracle Park outings.
rethinking my relationship with baseball
Especially in recent years, I cared way too much about how my team was doing. When you’re a dedicated sports fan, the way your team performs and the wins and losses can really dictate your mood. I have joked in the past that my relationship with the 26-man roster is my most toxic one, but I don’t think it’s a joke!
I’m learning the art of detachment, and now I see it applies to my baseball fandom. I can go to as many or as little games as I want. I don’t have to be completely tuned in to every game. I don’t have to follow all the news about my team or any team. I don’t have to let every game result affect the rest of my day. Being a sports fan should be fun and for me, maybe that means finally letting go of a previous iteration of my “fan” identity and attachment to my team. It doesn’t mean I don’t love my team or the sport, but I have to chill a little bit.
I’ll still be watching by the ballpark tonight as the Giants play the Yankees as the only matchup in the league (on damn Netflix…BTW, these games on streaming services have also negatively affected my fandom, but that’s another story for another day). I’ll be inside the actual ballpark on Saturday devouring a crab sandwich. I’ll plan on continuing my side quest of visiting all 30 MLB stadiums, with a trip to see the guys play the Red Sox at Fenway in August, and revisiting Citi Field in Queens a couple of weeks later in September.
But what I’ll enjoy the most about Opening Night is that it feels like a real fresh start. When the winter has been long and tumultuous, I look at the beginning of a new MLB season to let me know that spring has sprung, and we can always begin again.
Play ball!
<3, karen