how to love san francisco when everyone else hates it
how i became a city girl after growing up in the suburbs + what to do when you get disillusioned by the city too
I am a keyboard and actual warrior when it comes to my city. But it took me a while to identify as a city girl.
I was born at the former St. Luke’s Hospital, now CPMC Mission Bernal. When my parents and I were a family of three (Later a family of four when my brother arrived the next year), we lived in a two-bedroom apartment near what is now the In-N-Out in Daly City. When we became a family of five with the arrival of my sister three years later, we moved to what I considered my childhood home in South San Francisco (I have so many good memories of this house and I think it deserves its own essay one of these days).
Over ten years later, due to a change in our household income, we moved to a house on the San Francisco/Daly City borderline owned by my paternal grandparents. My parents never owned property up until over five years ago, so I never realized how insecure our housing situation was. I regret being a jerk about this move now that I’m an adult, but the possibility of leaving all my friends and not being in student leadership after my first year of high school was probably the beginning of my mental health issues as I know them. Luckily, it all worked out (Thank you Auntie Jenny for letting us use your address!).
It always felt more like living in Daly City, but once I was a student at SF State, I was thankful for the proximity to the BART station. I took the shuttle to and from campus, rode BART into the deeper parts of the city (particularly to my part-time job at a law office in the Financial District), and had friends who would pick me up and drive me home.
When I was younger and living in South San Francisco, the city felt like a foreign concept to me, and I didn’t like having to go. Our eye exams were in Chinatown, my dad had a doctor in the Outer Richmond, and he would sometimes pick up my grandma from her city job on New Montgomery. Each time, I would feel bored or overwhelmed by the amount of people and cars that I saw.
It wasn’t until my senior year of high school that I finally realized that I was living in a crown jewel. My English teacher had planned a year-end celebration for us at Lefty O’Doul’s (RIP) near Union Square. The South San Francisco BART station had just opened up across the street from school, so it was easy for all of us to get to and from SF. Before our dinner, I stood in the middle of the square, in awe of the architecture and signage of all the fancy stores around me. Before that moment, Union Square was just a buzzword—and then I saw it was real.
the part where i get a little political
It’s been over 20 years since that very first time I stepped foot into Union Square, and it’s incredibly sad that it’s now seen as a symbol of a “deteriorating city.”
Yes, it’s sad that stores are closing and there are still lots of empty storefronts. Yes, I do see the street conditions and am tuned into the troubles of the area for the last several years. I lived in Lower Nob Hill from the fall of 2020 and up until last year when I decided to move back home for a bit, so I am familiar with my neighboring neighborhoods.
But I no longer think that Union Square is all of San Francisco, like I thought 20+ years ago. And I’m not saying there aren’t problems because they do exist…but there are certain narratives that go on because the issues are more visible in a central part of the city where a lot of financially able people go to be entertained and stay in hotels. Plus, San Francisco is only a 7x7 city. You can’t hide the lowest poverty level away in a Skid Row.
Living in and visiting a big city means you’ll have to deal with some of the problems that come with big cities. Again, this doesn’t mean you deserve to be accosted by another person or have your car broken into, and it’s unfortunate that the systems we have in place are questionable and people feel like they are not being protected. I don’t even really have any real answers except that bringing awareness to what’s happening in the city is important, but filming and taking photos of people at their worst and posting it on social media still feels exploitative to me. I also believe that protecting people will always be more important than protecting property, so I hypothetically feel more compelled to intervene when it’s a person being attacked or harassed, rather than intervene in Walgreen’s or Target being robbed. That’s why they have security and loss prevention folks!
Connecting with elected officials and getting involved with the causes that matter most to you are positive steps to making change. When I think about the frustration that I feel and the frustrations others are feeling, I am most inspired by people who channel that frustration by organizing, creating meaningful dialogue with the community, creating and amplifying resources, and actively developing relationships with the people in charge even if they don’t agree with them—not just bitching on social media.
I highly recommend reading Season of the Witch by David Talbot (Whose son Joe directed The Last Black Man in San Francisco, the film featuring the quote at the top of this post). It gives a very eye-opening look at the story of San Francisco from the Gold Rush and Summer of Love to the AIDS epidemic. A lot of parallels have been unfolding in our modern San Francisco history, and it gave me a lot of perspective on why this city is the way it is, for better and for worse.
now from a non-civics standpoint!
I love San Francisco because I am constantly discovering new things to love about it. I love San Francisco because new businesses, organizations, and events are popping up all the time, and the old ones find ways to thrive. I love San Francisco because I fall in love with the neighborhoods I haven’t gone back to in a while and I find them again.
I moved to Daly City last March, so I am doing more things on the west side of the city. I do my runs/walks at Lake Merced or Golden Gate Park. Stonestown got a MAJOR upgrade and basically everything that’s no longer in downtown is there now. Plus, there’s lot of good food, a modern movie theater, an escape room, and an arcade/bowling/karaoke complex. Back in my day, we had the Borders and Tower Records and it was enough. I always tell people I still spend 99 percent of my time in San Francisco, BTW.
When I lived in Twin Peaks for a short time, I would go to Tank Hill, Kite Hill, Corona Heights, and walk all along the busy streets to get the best views of the city.
I guess there is still a civics-related thing here, but both canvassing and walking dogs helped me see more of the city. Given this was pre-pandemic (Though I continued to walk dogs as a side hustle up until last year, but stuck to the neighborhoods that were close to me), but it helped me get out of any bubbles I was in at the time.
If you’re getting sick of San Francisco and/or you’re constantly eating up the negative stuff folks are talking about, you’re stuck in the doom loop—and not actively looking for what’s good in our city.
Like the great Madonna said in “Vogue,” “beauty’s where you find it.” We are so inundated by noise on the Internet and media and also by what we’re most familiar with, so we have to step out of our comfort zones and into what we may not be most familiar with. We may just find our new favorite restaurant, bar, salon, fitness studio, store, park, corridor, or an entire neighborhood. We may find new friends or even the love of our life.
So my challenge to you is to go out for a walk or bike/bus/car ride to a neighborhood you usually don’t frequent. Go with a friend, loved one, date, or group if you’d like, and just explore. Find a lunch or coffee spot that looks interesting. Walk inside a bookstore. Read signs on the storefronts. Observe what is around you as you enter those public outdoor spaces.
And don’t forget to support the businesses and revisit the places that are already dear to you. Make sure to follow them on social media and stay up to date through their mailing lists. Perhaps they’ll hold some events where they’ll introduce you to other small businesses and communities you’ll vibe well with!
I look forward to hearing about your new discoveries and the ways you stay in love with San Francisco. Comment this post or email me!
with love in my heart for you and my City by the Bay,
karen
San Francisco is an incredibly special place! I love the way it’s a (geographically) small but big city. I’ve been amazed at how easy it is to build community here and the multiple opportunities to do so. There’s something for everyone!
Thanks for the reminder that we live in a beautiful city 💕